Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
