I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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