she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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