I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
