we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
