There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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