eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
