you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
