i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
