Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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