I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
