I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
