So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
