I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
