I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
