It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
