hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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