PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
