I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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