Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
