Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
MIDGETS
????
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
