Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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