i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
