Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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