if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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