This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
