Just mADE A PArabola og urine
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
