didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
