Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
