you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My vagina just clenched in fear
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
