toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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