I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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