Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
