I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
