I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
