i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
