I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
