Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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