we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
