3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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