Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
