Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
