I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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