I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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