They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sext me about skeletons
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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