are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
