I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
