Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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