I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
