It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
