He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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