Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
