someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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