Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
