i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
