so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
